Currently Reading On This Journey We Call Our Life: Living the Questions (Studies in Jungian Psychology in Jungian Analysts, Volume 103) By James Hollis see related

My Shadows are Taking Over

I started a book on Saturday that I hope will spark change in my life.  In order to get healing from my "shadows"--the things that make me that I wish not be a part of--I have to go to the root or core of the problem.  The only drawback to this is that going back to that core of bad decisions made is going to be painful.  I honestly have to ask myself if I am willing to feel that hurt again in order to grow.  James Hollis asks some profound questions that have made me continue to be in a state of searching for answers.  He asks if we can be at our final day, and look back feeling all right that our life wasn't worth anything?  WOW!  Someone that actually has the courage to say it!! 

Yesterday, I went to church.  To most, this is the weekly planned event including the entire family.  For me, it's much different.  My family doesn't go to church.  My sisters do, but not my folks.  I wanted to go to a church that I felt was my own--little did I know that this would be in a movie theater in Canton.  I attended a worship service in cinema # 8--along with popcorn buckets for the offering.  I was in a skirt, and was by far the most dressed up person in attendance.  It's amazing how laid back the atmosphere was.  Amazing.  The worship alone was enough to bring me back.  Music got to me.  Beautiful music.  Then, the pastor spoke about the prodical son.  A story I have heard since I was small--but for some reason, on this day, it had more meaning to me than ever.  I saw a vision of myself eating the pigs' slop, burying my face in the dirt.  Daddy is calling me home--he keeps calling.  For some reason--my weak spirit--I find pleasure in the slop.  I can't get up for I am too weak. 

Currently Listening Ladies & Gentlemen: The Best of George Michael By George Michael Father Figure see related

Stream of Consciousness....

My life is a storybook, full of amazing tales.  Each story is equipped with a beginning, middle, Climax, and eventually, an end.

"You came in on a white horse, and swept me off my feet.  But like so many shattered dreams, you fell off that horse, and it's my job to pick up the pieces."

I love honesty, openness, and truth.  But what happens when you get those things, and you don't know what to do with them?

Currently Listening Everybody Hurts, Part 1 By R.E.M. see related

Please pray.....

After thinking about a much needed positive attitude change, I got a phone call....

"Mary Kate.  Have you heard about Daddy?  He's in the hospital.  They think it's another heart attack."

God always has a way of throwing us a curve ball, doesn't He?  I'm so confused.  Why can't he just get better?  Why does it seem like a constant battle?  For some, this may not be a big deal...but my dad is my hero.  Be around me for two seconds and you will learn that.  If he were to die, a part of me will die with him.

I feel bad for complaining about boys, school, PSYCHOLOGY, and any other trivial thing that may come my way.  My dad's life is on the line, and I'm too caught up in myself to realize the importance of that.

mk

Currently Reading The Mermaid Chair: A Novel By Sue Monk Kidd see related

The retreat is over.....Yea!!

Hey all!  The retreat is over...thank goodness!!  I was able to actually enjoy my weekend.  I think it went very well.  I had an awesome time, and I'M SO THANKFUL JESSICA CAME AND HELPED US OUT  !!!!  I don't know what we would have done without her!!

So, life is more confusing now than ever.  I've been reading into everything, and I have to stop, cause I'm just making myself sick.  I just want things to go back to normal.  But I'm really starting to wonder what "normal" is???? 

We should all hang out soon......the retreat was just toooo much fun!!!